WAHM Breathes Relief For End Of Summer

I chose to be a work-at-home mom because the thought of missing out on my children's lives, having someone else be their main caregiver, and not getting to see all of those little firsts devastated me. How come, then, at the end of summer I feel nothing but relief at the thought of seeing that big yellow school bus pull up at the end of my driveway?

After my first daughter was born six years ago, I re-entered the work force as a full time office drone - 40 hours a week of wishing I were with my child instead of taking conference calls and sitting through meetings plus the chaotic end-of-day commute where I just wanted to get home and be with my kid. Following the birth of my youngest daughter three years ago, I managed to work out an arrangement with my office so that I could work from home - best of both worlds, right?

The thing is now that my children are six and three years old, they are in such developmentally different places that trying to find suitable ways to entertain both while trying to accomplish my work tasks gets to be daunting. Preparing 21 meals a week through summer versus getting some of those lunches "off". Cleaning up the chaos of children home all day...

I'm TIRED!

Coming up with ways to entertain children constantly is a gift. One that, unfortunately, I don't have. I'm juggling - trying to be the best mom I can be, the best employee I can be, the best everything. In the summer months that gets difficult.

I try not to feel guilt about the fact that I've been counting down for the first day of school since mid July, and that I'm excited that my oldest will be attending school all-day every day. This is a good thing for us both - as a social creature, she loves to be around her friends... and at school she will be.

I try not to feel guilt that come September 2, my youngest will join a preschool/daycare curriculum two days a week. Not only does this allow her to get some time interacting with kiddos her own age, it gives me time at home two days a week to focus on being a good worker so when my kids are home, I can focus on being a good mom.

No matter what situation you're in - the grass always looks greener. When I worked, I wanted to be home. My friends who work wish they could stay home. And now that I'm home doing both, well, it's still fraught with guilty feelings that maybe I could be doing something better. The school schedule allows me to do it a little better.