Father’s day is quickly approaching and before any of you women out there start shopping for gifts, I hope you will read this. I know I’ll probably get some backlash for this and, it's possible I might deserve a little bit of it. But I know the fathers of the world will agree with me, maybe not vocally, but in their hearts. Here are Father's Day gift ideas that don't suck.
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Women, as much as we appreciate the effort, sometimes you need a little help with purchasing Father's Day gifts. Again, we really do appreciate the effort, but let's be honest here. Haven’t you noticed the piles of gifts we’ve received are still sitting in their original packaging on the floor of the closet collecting dust? You seem to notice everything else we do, why not this?
I can see it now. In 100 years some scientist will come across an archeological gold mine. There will be a display at the Smithsonian called “Father’s Day gifts from around the world,” and it will consist of Walkmans, ties and battery-operated rotating tie racks.
Fathers Have Simple Wants
Women you need to study us. We’re not that complicated, and what we want is right there in front of you. Don’t ask us what we want because we’ll answer with something you want to hear like, “How about we just go out to a nice dinner?” or. “Oh, I just want to spend the day with you honey.” That’s not what we want, or it is, but on a second or third tier of the gift pyramid.
Anyway, I thought I’d help some of you out the best I could this year, because I for one am a bit tired of the homemade coupon booklets as Father's Day gifts. Oh they’re cute and all, but come on! We always forget about them and then when we happen to come across them again and try to redeem the “back massage,” we find out that the coupon as “expired” even though there is no expiration date on them anywhere.
Here is a small list of possibilities that I’m sure you’re husband/father would love to have as a Father's Day Gift.
Sporting Event Tickets
All men love sports, that’s a no brainer. Football, baseball, soccer, hockey, racing, there is a sport your man loves. Buy him two tickets so he can go see a game with a buddy or you (his option). If there isn’t something close by, let him go for the night. Nothing says you can’t buy tickets for a weekend game.
Buy sporting event tickets at stubhub.com for Father's Day
Men love electronics. We may not know how to use them, but that’s beside the point. Again, I’m not talking about the battery-operated rotating tie rack here either. How about a navigation system we can stick in the car? That would be a great gift and you would benefit from it too. You know we won’t stop and ask for directions.
What about a Blackberry with Internet? Now you may say, “My husband isn’t that busy.” And you may might be right, but we love things we can screw around with and besides, you benefit from it again. You can email him a grocery store list.
Shop for electronics at Circuit City and Free shipping on orders $24 & up for Father's Day!
Big Screen TV
Oh, that would be nice. I know it’s hard to believe, but try using a 23-inch TV to watch a football soar through the air heading towards the end zone with time running out, watch a puck slide past six hockey players as they all try to hit it with their sticks with the goalie flip-flopping like a fish out of water trying to stop it, or a good wreck take place during a NASCAR race with cars flipping end over end, flames shooting out from the car in every direction the driver is frantically trying to escape with his life from the burning carnage. It's a little difficult.
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There's nothing wrong with a little reading while we’re in the bathr- er, library. Sports Illustrated is a good choice and the subscription comes with the swimsuit issue!
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Another great gift would be a new La-Z-Boy? recliner. All men love them (we’ve discussed this at our meetings) and the more electronic crap they have stuffed into them the better. I for one am a big fan of the ones that have the massage and telephone. If they ever come with those two things plus a built in refrigerator and toilet, we’d never get up.
Man Space or a Man Cave
How about a room in the house so we can put our stuff up? I had to fight and claw just to get one shelf above the television so I could put up some die-cast racecars and to able to put a miniature hockey jersey on each end of the television in the living room.
We’ve got a ton of stuff we’re not allowed to put anywhere, while you’re girly stuff is everywhere. It’s hard to get any testosterone going in our bodies while flowers, paintings of flowers and little knick-knacks that resemble some sort of flower surround us.
I even heard a joke that “The Great One” Wayne Gretzky, arguably the best hockey player ever to play the game, has all of his awards and trophies boxed up in the garage because his wife won’t let him have that stuff in the house! What’s up with that? I doubt it’s true.
I mean he must have been able to get at least one trophy inside the house, but after what I had to go through just to get 5 die-cast cars and two mini jerseys in the house, I’d also believe it.
A Night Out
Ok, so maybe you can’t financially swing any of that stuff, how about letting him go out with the guys one Saturday, let him have from 6 am Saturday morning until midnight.
Sure, you run the possibility of getting a phone call from him from Vegas or jail, but why not let him run loose. Come on ladies, take the collar off him just for 18 hours. He’ll be good. Well, he’ll be back.
Think Like a Dad
It's very easy to buy things for us, you just need to think like a guy. Just remember we like things with power, we like things that can blow up or have some sort of destructive capabilities, and we like nudity (not necessarily in that order). No not my husband you say. Yes, your husband, too.
Let's say you’re walking along in the store and come across this exquisite frame you know the family picture would just look absolutely fabulous in. You can just imagine it hanging in the living room above the mantel. Now, you look across the aisle and see a Sawzall sitting there on the shelf.
Your first reaction is to refocus your attention back to the frame, and just “know” you’re husband will love it just like you do. You must fight that urge to purchase the frame and go get the Sawzall. Your husband might not even know how to use it, but that doesn’t matter, he’ll still want it.
First off, the name of it is “Sawzall”…SAWZ….ALL. It's got destruction right in the name and, believe me, he’ll try to saw all. Oh what a grand time he’ll have!
To summarize, if you come across something in a store while shopping and you say “Aww, how cute!” we don’t want it.