Tantrums for toddlers are like appearances by Swiper the Fox on Dora the Explorer: You know they're going to happen but can't be sure when, and the nice plans you had laid out before you get thrown to the wayside. But just as Dora calmly deals with Swiper, we can manage our kids' tantrums. It takes, above all, patience and understanding.
The first thing to realize is that, to a two- or three-year-old, the world is ever-changing. They're growing and learning constantly, rapidly. They're bombarded by innumerable things to master: moving around in the world, talking, socializing, sharing, getting along with siblings, learning right from wrong, and so much more. The sooner we come to recognize this is not an easy time for our wee ones, the better we'll understand them.
With all that's expected of them, toddlers can easily become overwhelmed. They may find themselves overloaded with information, or even feel like they can't accomplish the task at hand - which is so important during this first stage/taste of independence. And if they're tired or can't verbalize what they're feeling - but are so desperate to be heard and understood - they may break down into fits and tears.
If we can start to identify these stressors and begin to grasp where our child's feelings are coming from, we can take great strides in stamping out those tantrums. And this is where patience, another crucial element in dealing with our children, comes in. If we allow ourselves, as moms, to get pulled into their behavior - using a loud voice, showing angst or anger - we only serve to make their tantrum worst and escalate the situation. But if we step back calmly (physically or figuratively) and assess the circumstance, we can approach them much more warmly, with support and understanding.
Make eye contact and use a soft but firm voice, so they know you're serious. Tell them you get why they're upset, and then explain to them the way it has to be. "I know you want a cookie, but Mommy said 'no' because we're having dinner soon." They'll be much more likely to listen if you give them a reason for your answer or action. Another good tactic - even before meltdown is full-blown - is to distract their attention. If they're intent on that cookie, guide them away from it. Pick up a nearby toy and engage in some quick play. "Hey, here's Dora! But where's Boots the Monkey? Should we find him together?" With any luck, the cookie will soon be forgotten. Until after dinner, at least...
Another fantastic approach to avoiding tantrums is offering options. Allow your child to feel like a crucial part of the situation at hand. Are you setting the dinner table? Allow them to choose which plate or cup they'll use. Getting dressed for the day? Give them two options of shirts or pairs of socks to select from. By giving them control over those little things, they'll fall into your line of thinking with the bigger issues a little easier.
Kids can learn to reason at an early age. Take your time in showing and explaining how things need to be. Hold fast to your patience and understanding, and soon your toddler will be easier to manage.
Now if we can just remember all this in the cereal aisle of the grocery store, mid-tantrum, we'll be good to go...
