Single Mothers Are NOT Fathers, Too

Written by Naomi Serviss

Monday, 16 June 2008

Just because you're a single mother doesn't mean you are also the father. And if you're in the habit of telling your kids: "I should get cards and presents on Father's Day. After all, I'm both a mother AND a father," knock it off.

My parents divorced when I was 4-years-old.

That's when she ditched the husband (my father), put four of us five kids on a bus from Rhode Island and we magically (to a 4-year-old, it was damn good magic) ended up in a Philadelphia suburb.

That's when it started. The Father's Day nonsense. "I'm both your mother AND..." she would intone incessantly every June. It was very confusing. "What did that mean?" I often wondered. Maybe that's why I always bought her tchtockes for no apparent reason. If I bought her a Father's Day card, maybe she would love me more?

That's what kids of divorce sometimes think. If only, if only, if only I bought more presents, or did something spectacular, then she would pay attention to me. Those thoughts are common, too. Trust me, I know from experience.

Needless to say, after years of therapy, a stand-up marriage and two kids later, I want to tell you out there: It's no crime to be a single mother.

Be proud of your accomplishments. Take joy in recognition of your care and devotion by your kids. Whenever it is offered up. Not just because it's "your day."

Just lay-off Father's Day.

You're NOT the father and it's okay. Be the mother. Always. And stop messing with your kids' heads. They don't deserve it.

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wyndsong - I understand what you're sayi

|2008-08-31 21:57:21

I was the one that felt that way FOR my mom. I always gave her fathers day
cards because she was both! She took care of us emotionally, spiritually, and
financially. She never asked for cards or gifts on Father's day, but she didn't
ask for anything on Mother's day or even her birthday. That's just the way she
was. Of course, I did anyway, because she was always there for me, even now,
that I'm a single mom, she's there for me 100%.

What I do tell my boys, is that
they should be giving ME presents on THEIR birthday! LOL! Cuz I did all the
work! They don't call it labor for nothing. hehehehe