One of the hardest parts of being a single mom is visitation. My ex-husband lives more than 700 miles away and so the boys only see him during summer. I tell myself that for those few weeks I will relax, enjoy the peace and quiet, do something nice for myself, and spend quality time with adults. What I end up doing is working more hours than normal, eating poorly, and worrying the entire time they are gone.
The boys are old enough to make their own decisions about going out there for summer vacation, and they are certainly old enough to call me when they are ready to come home. Their father and I choose the date the boys will go, but we do not set an end date.
The boys can stay as long as they are comfortable, and can come home at any time. Two or three weeks is the usual. Two or three weeks out of the whole summer isn't bad, right?
But each time they leave me, I agonize over their return. Never mind that they come home with teeth the shade of banana skins from lack of oral hygiene, and acne ablaze from overindulgence of sugary sweets. And so what if their dad let them see movies from the "over my dead body" list, or that they caught the picnic table on fire with fireworks while their dad was watching TV in the house. Let's not even talk about second degree sunburns, or that little matter of dehydration.
I think I hate summer because after two or three weeks the boys are ready to come home. I hate summer because I realize that this man whom they look like and sometimes even act like makes no impression on their lives. I think I hate summer because it is a constant reminder that summer after summer after summer, the guy they call dad still isn't a father.
I just wanted to share a little bit of my own story with you. I also come from a split home. My father lived 3000 miles away, and we only saw him every other summer. He had us for two months straight during his year with us.
I imagine he was a lot like what your ex sounds like; not every strict, more fun than dad. I wanted to just let you know that now, as an adult, when I think back on those summers, they are some of my favorite memories. It was like going to Disneyland for 2 months. We had SO much fun, not necessarily because our dad was so much fun, but because we were allowed to run free. He wasn't great at parenting, more of a playground monitor really, and we were often left to fend for ourselves, but we had two months to just PLAY. He didn't want to discipline us, I think because he only had those two months.
At the end of our visits, we were SO ready to come home. Kids don't enjoy an unstructured life for very long. We always came back with a new appreciation for our mother, and I think that made her first few months with us back a little better.
I know it's hard to hand your kids over to anyone, let alone someone you don't totally trust, but maybe the idea that they are having a good time and are just fine will ease your mind.
Hey Shannon,
I spent some time checkin out your articles and Whiskeyinmysippecup.com. Good stuff there!
I got my first call last night from the boys. They have been gone three days. They are ready to come home. LOL. I am adding unlimited texting to their phones in hopes that this will make them feel more comfortable and help them decide to stay alittle longer. Wish me luck, cuz momma has been looking forward to at least 2 weeks of rest.
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