Holidays and the Single Parent

As a single parent the holidays could possibly be the hardest time of the year, whether it is Christmas, Easter, Summer vacations or Thanksgiving. Holidays are traditionally great family occasions, a time to relax, a time to be reunited with distant relatives, and a magical experience for children and adults alike. However if you happen to be part of a family that has separated, it can be a time of great stress and frustration, perhaps undoing months of bridge building and careful mediation in one fell swoop. Visitation issues, gift giving and the inevitable inclusion of new partners are incredibly sensitive issues that can not be avoided as the children’s loyalties are tested to the maximum.

So before battle commences think about the following:  

• Organisation is the key. Try to organise where the children will be, and who with, well in advance. Work out the rota and stick to it. This will seem far less emotional if you do it in advance, and you can plan those days you will be alone or with family.
• Prepare yourself for the children and all that means…there will be times they want the other parent. This is not a reflection on your failings; it is just a normal reaction to a difficult situation. Arrange regular contact over the phone at set times so the children can answer and you can avoid contact if you want to. Try to be sensitive to the fact that children need both parents, but don’t dwell on it, try to keep it light for them.
• Budgets are often tighter after a seperation, so set yourself a limit and stick to it…let family know what you are thinking of buying or doing, and stick to your budget. Money is always a source of stress and argument, so don’t over-stretch yourself. A summer holiday may last only a week; you could be paying for it all year. Manage your children´s expectations in a gentle way, so they don´t expect an all-inclusive Carribean jaunt or the contents of Toys R´Us when all you can afford is a picnic in the park and a favourite DVD!
• Make sure you let the kids visit everyone they need to, and when families are separated this can take twice the time. If this means starting the holidays early then so be it, the children won´t mind!