In Adele Faber's book Siblings Without Rivalry she tells parents to imagine that one day their spouse comes home and says that because they love you so much they have decided to add a second husband or wife to the relationship. One that is younger, cuter, and gets a lot more attention than you.

If that thought of that happening has you seeing red, imagine how your preschooler might be feeling when a new baby enters the home. Luckily, there are things that you can do to lessen the tension and try to ease some of the fighting that occurs.

Preschoolers can often feel out of control with their feelings. This can often lead to hitting, pushing, pinching, or worse to a younger sibling. This physical expression is how they release how they feel. Rather than insisting that your child bottle up their emotions and thoughts, teach them how to express them in other ways.

If they need to physically do something to get it out, hand your preschooler a pillow or a doll that they can act out on without hurting their younger sibling. Drawing and coloring can be another way for your child to let out their feelings. Furious scribblings can be a good way to calm down and can help show exactly how they feel.

Teaching your preschooler to use their words is another good way to lessen sibling rivalry. Encourage your child to say how they feel rather than act on it to their sibling. Spending quality time alone and actively listening to your preschooler express himself is another important action you can take. Try not to discredit what they are saying, instead just accept it as what they are feeling at that moment. Even if it is something you may not want to hear.

If your preschooler says to you "I hate my baby sister!" respond calmly with "I understand she can make you very angry" rather than "You don't hate her, she's your sister." Do not try to dismiss their feelings so they will only increase later. Parents can also help ease sibling rivalry by not feeding into it. Comparing your children, or worse playing favorites, and you can spark angry competition between siblings.

When you praise and adore your newborn for rolling over your preschooler can often feel jilted and ignored. Take the time to praise your preschooler as well, and do so without comparisons to their other siblings. Take a few minutes each day to let your children each that you love them individually for all of their unique traits.

Listen to your preschooler if he feels that he is being ignored for the new baby and give him some of your time as well. You may feel that you have to divide up your time equally but that can be a dangerous balancing act, especially with a younger child that does need more time and care. Instead strive to equally divide your love and affection and letting your preschooler know that he or she will always have a place in your heart.

Often sibling rivalry can be dangerous. Fighting can occur that will lead any parent to tears of frustration. When your preschooler is fighting with their younger sibling, there are a few things you can do. First make it clear that hurting is not allowed. Hitting, biting, pinching, or anything else are not permitted. Then take a step back. For minor grumblings, often the best thing a parent can do is nothing.

Although the feuding can be annoying, letting them work it out between themselves can be a good way for your preschooler to learn cooperation. Also letting them know that you will not get involved will decrease the amount of tattling that can often happen. If the fight begins to escalate, you may need to step in. Acknowledge that each child has their own side that is just as true to them as the other's side is. Then offer a few solutions that might be useful.

Explain to your preschooler what helpful alternatives are to fighting. Then step back and let your children work it out on their own. If the fighting continues to escalate it may be time to separate each child and give them time to cool off. When emotions are low sit down and talk with your preschooler about what actions are acceptable and what are not. Give him or her tools that can be used when the fighting begins again.

Using these steps might not guarantee that the sibling rivalry will stop. However with time and constant use you should begin to see the amount of fighting and feuding lessen among your children. Sibling rivalry may not end completely but you can work towards more harmony and show your preschooler that there does not have to be a rivalry every time.

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