Congratulations, moms and dads! You made it! You survived the greatest test of a parent's love and selflessness...the Chuck-E-Cheese days. Did you ever think it would end? I mean, really....how much bad pizza and fluorescent pink bears can one parent endure? Not it's time to navigate the pre-teen birthday party days.
Another year has come and gone. You have significantly more grey
hair than when you met this person, which to you still feels like last
week. Your kid is tall, reads novels, plays video games with
instruction books thicker than the dictionary, and you have to throw
them a birthday party. They're too old for clowns, you're never EVER
setting foot in a Chuck-E-Cheese again so help you God, but they're not quite at the age where the best birthday present ever is a $50 bill and a ride to the mall.
What exactly do you do with them?
That itty witty baby whose foot once fit in the palm of your hand now
has a foot that fits fairly comfortably in your SHOES. You cannot,
under any circumstances, kiss them on the playground before school.
They have to lick their OWN thumb and wipe the toothpaste off their
chin. They pick their own clothes (that's a subject for another day),
pack their own lunches, and if you're really lucky, they do dishes
sometimes.
Kids at this age still want something from you. They are trying really hard to let go of mom and dad, but they're not quite ready yet. They would D.I.E. if you babied them, but they still kind of want you to baby them. This makes the birthday party for the pre-teen quite possibly the hardest juggling act the world has ever known.
What are you going to do? I don't know, either, but here are some ideas from a mom who never had a birthday party herself. (Also a subject for another day.)
Rock Wall Climbing: Because it's cool, that's why. It's dangerous, and exotic, and still totally interactive. And guess what? Mom and Dad will love it, too. This one can be, well, crazy expensive, but with a small guest list and a membership to REI *, it can be pulled off easily and cost-effectively.
Amusement Parks: Provided you have a child born between May and September, you cannot go wrong with a day at Six Flags. And, by picking up one of these handy dandy kid trackers, you can let them run free in the park, always knowing they are one push of a button away from you, and without worrying that they'll forget to take the cell phone out of their pocket before they hit the water-park.
A City Tour: This one is great if you live close to a large city. There are several options for doing this, some of which are easily combined. Let's break them down:
A horse-drawn carriage. Most large cities offer some version of this classic wedding day service. Denver alone has close to twenty companies offering this service. You will surely win the "Best Mom Ever" prize from your daughter, and you'll need it in a few years when she's very teenaged. :)
A Cruise. If you live in a city with a lot of water, you probably have a ferry service. Vancouver has a fantastic (and surprisingly affordable) private ferry charter service that offers kids of ALL ages tours around the city by water.
Limousine tour. Stop rolling your eyes at me. Many limousine companies offer city tours. Many of those companies also offer kids birthday packages, complete with Sprite in the mini-bar and party favors.
Sporting Events: Taking your child and their friends to see their favorite sport live is an easy and fun birthday party. Most cities provide excellent public transit to all their major sports arenas, making getting the kids to and from the game a breeze. If you wanted to get fancy with it, you could have a Happy Birthday message scroll across the Jumbotron.
With a little creative thinking and even more creative Googling, you can find a wealth of amazing, memorable, and not-embarrasing birthday party ideas for your not-so-little kids all around you. Just remember not to help them blow their candles out anymore. I hear they frown on that.
Yeah, as I mentioned in the wrong article, a cooking class can be fun. And finding something unique to your town. Like we found the Kramer Marionettes here in St. Louis--guys that make them, give shows--and that turned out a bit eccentric, but memorable.
Stages 
