We began to suspect that our oldest son had a learning disability when his restlessness and inattentiveness were becoming more than just a minor classroom disruption. Although the possibility of ADHD hung like the proverbial elephant, we resisted that diagnosis. ADHD carries with it a stigma that many other learning disabilities don’t. We didn’t want our son to be labeled. But we’ve discovered that ADHD isn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. Here are some suggestions to help you cope if you think, or know, your child has ADHD.
Get a confirmed diagnosis:
Too many doctors are ready to hand out the Ritalin based on a laundry list of behaviors that could explain any number of learning disabilities. There are specialists and testing for ADHD. Seek them out. Medicating a child for a problem he doesn’t actually have isn’t going to make anyone’s life easier.
Work with your child’s school:
Initiate the IEP process and see what the professionals at your child’s school have to say. They won’t diagnose, but they can lead you down the right path. Partner with your child’s teacher and communicate regularly. Only the teacher sees your child’s in-class behavior on a daily basis. We’ve known when we’ve needed to adjust medication and teachers have known when they need to be sensitive to changes at home that are affecting our son.
Never make excuses:
The first time our son said “because of my ADHD,” I panicked. I don’t want to raise a child who uses his deficits as an excuse. In order to raise resilient children, we must teach them that obstacles are not reasons to quit, but opportunities to explore and learn. They need to know how to use their strengths to overcome their weaknesses.
Accentuate the positive:
As he described ADHD, our son’s doctor emphasized all the positive aspects of having ADHD. Kids with ADHD tend to be non-linear thinkers, so they are creative problem solvers. They are energetic and enthusiastic. They have the ability to focus intensely on things they are interested in. Make sure your child knows that while ADHD may make some things difficult for him, it makes him much better at other things.
Think like you have ADHD:
As moms, we’re used to concentrating in spite of distractions. But for a child with ADHD, distractions can be, well…distracting. I discovered this one afternoon while my son was trying to do his homework as my preschooler was sitting next to him coloring, singing, and asking questions. Exasperated, my son retreated to the quiet of his bedroom. Be aware of the environment around your child and his needs. What is normal to you may be impossible for him.
Trust your instincts:
There are many different ways to treat ADHD. Do your homework. Talk to your doctors. Use this knowledge to make informed decisions. You know better than anyone what is right for your child. Be open-minded to suggestions, but follow your gut about what’s best for your family.
You've made some excellent points. The teachers won't diagnose, you're right. They will, however, work with the doctor. And the creative thinking? That's one of the delightful traits of many kids with ADHD. Along with their oft-positive energy level, the creativity helps them be a pleasure to teach.
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