I have been working the parenting gig for almost 21 years, but I had never heard the term “helicopter parent” before last year.  To those who are in the dark, as I was, to the meaning of the term, it refers to parents (usually mothers) who pay too much attention to their children – “hovering” too close with respect to a child’s academics or his/her extracurricular activities.   

It is normal, of course, to be concerned with our children and their well-being.  What parent isn’t?  But when we cross the line and become obsessed, then we are flying too close. 

I have spoken to many of my friends who are also parents, and we agree that our generation has become too obsessed.  We don’t want our children to fail.  We don’t want them to make mistakes and get hurt.   

Years ago, when I was young, most parents gave their children wings and let them take flight.  Nowadays, many parents are at the controls, and their children are in the passenger seat.   I was guilty to a small amount of helicopter parenting, but my flight time was very limited. 

My husband ascribes to the “cut the umbilical cord and let them live and learn” mentality, so he was able to keep me “grounded.”  It is easier for men.  They are not nurturers by nature.  They are more pragmatic.  Women, on the other hand, suffer when their children are hurting.  But life is loaded with disappointments, and we can’t spend our days circling overhead, watching our children’s every move.  

I am the parent of college-age children.  When our children are younger, of course, we need to be more involved and pay attention and help them when needed.  I have learned to let my adult children do things for themselves. 

In the next month, my son will be living on his own, working and going to school.  He needs to be able to think and do for himself.  If I would have hovered over him constantly, he would be ill-prepared for the real world. 

Yesterday, my daughter said “will you schedule me a hair appointment?”  I said “you are almost 19, you can do it yourself.”   Their wings are sprouting new feathers every day! 

Yes, I still have moments of wanting to help, and at times, I do.  Today, I purchased a train ticket for my son.  He was in a time crunch, so it was okay to step in and lend a hand.  The difference is he can and knows how to purchase it himself.  It is a fine line we parents of older children walk.  But it is best to stay on the ground to step in occasionally and not jump in our choppers and circle overhead incessantly! 

I heard an interesting “new” term.  Black Hawks.  They are the parents hover to the point of unhealthy obsession and unethical tactics.  And example would be writing a term paper for their college-age child.  I am happy that I can state with confidence that I have never been a Black Hawk! 

Good luck in all of your parenting journeys!  It’s the hardest job we will ever love.  And it is the only job that doesn’t include a manual.  Thank God for friends and forums … they are the best sounding boards around!

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