Building a child’s self-esteem is imperative to their future success. Low self-esteem has been linked to school failure, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, violence, and teen pregnancy. Helping children achieve a sense of self-worth can be a complicated task. Our media-centric culture can lead children to believe that their value as individuals is derived from what clothes they wear, how they look, or how exceptionally talented they are. Parents must intervene early, and often, in order to guide children to become confident, self-valuing individuals.

Every child should be made to feel special and wanted. Spending time alone with each of your children lets them know you are interested in them as unique individuals. Ask questions about their dreams and hopes for the future. Bookmark some safe websites that tap into their interests and talents. Subscribe to a magazine that will spark their curiosity—not only will they appreciate the content, but for a kid, getting their own mail is always special.

Children should be praised loudly and often. Let your child know when he or she has done something well. Focus on behaviors that aren’t already quantified; you can be proud of the A he got on his science test, but make sure you also offer praise when he sacrifices 15 minutes of video game time in order to study. When children make mistakes, don’t ridicule or shame them. Mistakes are an inevitable part of learning, and children must feel safe making those mistakes so they can bounce back from them.

Providing children with opportunities to make decisions also builds self-esteem. Giving a child the freedom to exert influence over their own environment shows them that you value them and their ability to make sound choices. Decision-making is also important to problem-solving. Having the skills to make the choices that will lead them through their own problems helps children to build the independence and confidence necessary to recognize their own self-worth.

Work with your child to help them find their own talents. Just because your husband was a high school baseball star, doesn’t mean that your son will be. Don’t pressure your child to have the same talents and interests that you do. It can be difficult for a parent to watch their child fail where he or she found success. But children need to be allowed the opportunities to explore various interests and develop their own talents, not mimic those of their parents.

If there are multiple children in the house, be careful not to compare siblings. If your oldest daughter plays two instruments and your youngest is still struggling to learn one, simply say that they are both interested in music without embellishing that one has excelled where the other has not. Labeling children can be just as damaging as comparing them. Characterizing one child as “the studious child” and the other as “the athletic child” can be self-fulfilling, causing children to think that they can only excel in that single pursuit.

Allow children to take on more responsibility. A child who helped to cook dinner when you have guests over will take pride in his or her work when the guests praise the meal. And here again, praise should be liberal. If a child take on a task and does it well, they should know that they did so. Children can take pride in a job well done, and feel good knowing that they are responsible enough to take on a task and do it well.

Be realistic in your expectations for your child. When a child feels that he or she has accomplished something special, nothing is worse than being told it’s not good enough. Allow your children to see the worth and value in their achievements; if you know they could have done better, constructively tell them so without belittling what they did accomplish. As they begin to reap the personal rewards of a job well done, they will build the confidence and self-esteem that will allow them to push further. achieve more, and feel better about themselves as they do so.

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