Newborns Are All the Same, Right?

It is not easy being a new mother, but it is also not easy to be a newborn baby. There is much more to learn about newborn babies than is typically discussed in doctors’ offices or hospitals. Even books about newborns often don’t provide enough information about some of the complexities of newborn care, such as colic and acid reflux, even though these are quite common problems.

There are three major problem areas that can make the first three months especially difficult for newborns and their mothers: sleeping, physiology, and eating. These problems can be either severe or mild. The more of these issues your baby has the more she will cry and the more stressful your postpartum period will be. Some babies do not have any of these problems and seem to “cruise” through their first three months. This is the scenario every mother hopes for and fantasizes about. However, I am convinced, after my discussions with many experienced mothers, that this is not a common scenario. Premature babies usually have more of these issues than full-term babies, but not always.

Dr. Harvey Karp, in The Happiest Baby on the Block, says babies are born three months early, but if they waited three more months their heads wouldn’t fit through the birth canal. This means they may have some problems as a result of their immature bodies, such as painful gas, acid reflux, and a sensitive nervous system.

In addition to these problems, according to Dr. Marc Weissbluth, in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, babies do not have a fully developed biological clock and may need assistance in developing healthy sleep habits, such as putting them down for naps at specific times of the day and creating a conducive sleep environment by darkening their room and putting them to sleep in the same place whenever possible. Some babies also need more calming to fall asleep, while others fall right to sleep.

Still other babies have breastfeeding problems, such as difficulty latching on, the inability to suckle hard enough to draw milk, and allergic reactions to certain formulas or foods in their mother’s milk.

Then there's the issue of temperament. There is the "fussy" temperament and the "calm" temperament. Which temperament your baby has will determine how he reacts to situations. A fussy baby will be more difficult to calm and will be more sensitive to stimuli, such as holding and loud noise, while a calm baby will take things in stride and be easier to handle.  

If you are pregnant, be realistic and plan for the fact that you may have a fussy baby, your baby may have acid reflux and need medication, or you may have a baby who cries a lot and experiences colic. Most moms-to-be go into their postpartum period expecting a perfect baby with expectations of blissful mother-baby symbiosis. Sometimes this happens, sometimes it doesn't. If you have high expectations for your baby, you may become angry with her when she cries a lot or doesn't sleep as much as you want her to. But if you have an open mind on what to expect from your baby, you will be more likely to help her deal with her issues, rather than resent her or become angry with her because she doesn't act like other babies you know.

The newborn phase is complicated not just because of the immaturity and temperament of newborns, but also because you are a newbie mom in training and recovering from the process of birth. Don't worry. This phase will pass (usually after three months) and you and your baby will move on into the fun mother-baby stage of giggles, outings at the park, and blissful snuggles and cuddles.