Finding Time for Friends

What has been the most difficult since having kids is keeping relationships with people that don’t have kids. As new parents, you immediately gravitate toward your friends that already have kids or are starting a family just like you. Kids are the common bond. I instantly connected with the moms I met in my local multiples club.

These moms knew what it was like to have twins and how hard it was to get out the door to actually go somewhere. My group of close friends gradually changed and my social life now consisted of play dates and the occasional mom’s night out. These friendships have been extremely important to me during these last two years of being a new mom.

While I have made connections through the twins club and held on to friendships from the past, my husband is also trying to stay connected to his friends. Most have families also, so getting together is still understandably difficult. He plays racquetball once a week with friends and has started a dad’s group within the twins club. This group tries to meet monthly for dinner or drinks.

What I’ve experienced is that having some time without the kids is not always easy, but very necessary. We still socialize as a couple, but we find ourselves doing more with our own group of friends. One parent enjoys a night out with friends while the other parent is home with the kids. These nights are maybe once a month but my husband and I have agreed just how important they are for each of us.

I can’t stay up as late as I used to (kids are still going to wake up at the same time the next day!) but an early dinner and maybe a movie do wonders for me. It’s nice to have uninterrupted conversations and meals and generally feel mentally and physically relaxed while catching up with friends.

My husband and I still make time to do things together (date nights, etc) and realize just how important this time is as a couple. For most new parents, it’s hard to get out together. You need to have a babysitter you trust and be able to afford to pay them if necessary. You might not feel comfortable leaving your baby with someone else. But when opportunities come up for either one of us to enjoy a night out with friends, it’s hardly ever an issue. We support each other in that way and I think it makes us happier as parents and as a couple.

Obviously during those first few months of having a newborn your priorities completely shift and going out with friends is not at the top of the list. But once you get into a routine and are feeling like you might want to meet up with a friend or two for lunch, dinner, coffee or dessert – give it a try and see how it works. You will come home feeling renewed and refreshed and your spouse gets to enjoy some alone time with the baby.

If you are nursing you can always pump and have some bottles ready ahead of time. I always appreciated the fact that my husband was completely comfortable taking care of both babies by himself and knew the daily routines and schedule. It proved to be even better as the kids got older because they were so comfortable with either one of us putting them down for naps or bed. They didn’t need one parent versus the other.

Above all, let go of some of that “mommy guilt.” It was hard to leave the babies the first few times I went out with friends but the benefits of a few hours away far exceeded the guilt of not being with them every minute. My twins are two years old and I still feel some guilt when I leave them. I make sure dinner is ready, pajamas are clean and keep my cell phone close by just in case. Of course my husband is perfectly capable of doing these things, but it’s my way of saying “thanks” and making the night smooth for him too.

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Kelby  - Getting out with twins   |2008-06-26 08:29:43 Hi! Nice article, and welcome to Type-A Mom! I have 2-year-old twins too, and we also have a 5-year-old. We really found it hard to get out. We actually have even gone so far as to take turns once a month getting a quiet night out at a hotel. I'm not sure why we didn't think of it earlier, but it's a big sanity saver! I hope you're having fun with your toddler twins. I love this age with our twins!

Amy T.   |2008-06-26 17:12:24 Hi! Thank you!! Love the hotel room idea Uninterrupted sleep and a long shower in the morning is pure heaven! It's so important to make time for things like that. And being with friends just makes me feel "normal" again - adult conversation, dinner in a restaurant, wearing something other than sweats, etc. I'm having a blast with the twins - they are a lot of work but so worth it! It's fun to see them playing together more and becoming buddies

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