Hey Moms! Anyone else out there ever suffer from depression? Oh, come on, there's no shame in this! That's more like it. We're all friends here and we should be able to share, right? Share without being ridiculed or made to feel guilt by Scientologists who have such perfect lives they believe in Aliens and Feeling Superior to Mere Mortals!
Yes, I'm a mom (of two, uh, very old children--let's call them "Em" and
Ben") who just happens to be in a funk. The funk was worse a few months
ago and is much better now, thank you. And I have my "kids"
(confession: Em is 25 and Ben is 23) to thank for helping me pull out.
Oh, and the husband Lew (never mind how old he is) did his share, too.
But the good news is: depression is par for the course. Regardless
of what course you're on. New mom? You'll get depressed sometimes.
Mother of toddlers? Same.
School-age? Depression may hit double-time. College? Don't look at
it as "depression": it's called "My Babies Are Leaving Me!" Syndrome.
Much studied. Little understood.
Essentially, Depression rears its ugly head during times of crises,
situational surprises (not always a good thing) and all kinds of
reasons that vary from individual to individual. The important thing to
remember is: this too will pass.
That little cliche, whispered over and over again, helped me
overcome my latest bout. Which was a doozy, by the way. It involved:
Dealing with chronic pain for 7 years;
Deciding to chuck the Northeast for part sWest (with no family or friends as ballast, mind you);
Closing on two houses simultaneously, one in New York the other in Tucson
"Abandoning" our youngest (Ben) who was going to be stuck in New Jersey, the armpit of the NE,
Reconciling and explaining our reasons for fleeing the toxic area, over and over and over and over and
Oh yeah. In the middle of all the above, my beloved mother died a few days after last year's Mother's Day.
So I think the Depression was not completely unexpected. But it lasted a good long time, as in months. Just starting to lift.
But, moms, take heart: your kids really, really love you. And if you
have a supportive husband, count your blessings. Now that I am shaking
out the cobwebs and seeing light once again, I am so grateful to have
this nuclear family, a lessening of my chronic pain and the faith that
somehow, we'll all muddle through.
And to my children Emily and Ben: you are the best adult children I
could ever have dreamed of having in my life. And to husband, partner,
life-saver Lew: you are my hero and I'm going to stop before I start
crying.
Depression is not fun, but reach out to whomever you can and get the
help you need. Family life is ripe for all things: wonder, joy,
happiness and sometimes depression. It's our job to assess everyone
else in our lives, we just need to remind ourselves that sometimes when
our needs are first, we need to rally our troops.\
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