Boldly Going Where Most Mommy Blogs Have Never Gone Before

Recently in my personal blog I did several entries about the state of my marriage. Now, admittedly, there are many bloggers that discuss their relationships. But it does seem, overall, that Mommy Bloggers in particular put a very sunny face on their marriages and rarely admit anything other than the occasional PMS-related bout, and those are spinned to be funny and minor.

I've found that, for me, blogging about what is going on in my life is natural and often makes me see things in a new perspective. Yet when it came to my marriage, I held back. My readers think my husband is one of the best men in the world. Both my readers and my friends (except those closest to me, like my best friend Sarah ) believe that we are a shining example of A Marriage That Works. Who was I to disabuse anyone of that notion?  (Additionally, having a background of being an infertility blogger before I was a parenting blogger makes me feel even more likely to keep quiet--because after all, we were desperate for a child, so I can't complain about how parenting is hard on our relationship).

Finally, though, I decided to go ahead and post a light sketch of our difficulties. The response was amazing--most readers were sympathetic and supportive, and many said, "Oh thank GOD, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one." This is why I blog, people--so that I know that I am not the only one. Hearing others say that was such an immense relief.

The relief was so profound, in fact, that I was able to finally sweep away the internal blockages that were not allowing me to see the whole picture. It wasn't long before my husband and I stopped snapping at each other and began talking, and it wasn't long after that before we took a good long look at how things had been going and decided to make some simple changes so that we BOTH felt more supported in the relationship--and in our parenting.

I posted about our discussions, and our resolutions, and I asked my readers why we Mommy Bloggers stay so silent about relationship struggles. Many folks made some great points--the internet is permanent, after all, and while most arguments fade with time, blog entries berating our husbands DON'T. Also, no one wants blog entries to come up in divorce or custody battles (although I am sure they already have). Many bloggers also have family members that read their blog and don't want to rock the boat, or create a feeling of ill will toward their spouse. Which all makes good sense.

But it also leaves us still feeling alone in our struggles, and since blogging for me is all about community and support, I will continue to blog about our struggles as they happen. But I'll also practice good sense when I blog; I'll try to focus on my part (and not call my husband an asshole) and be sensitive to his side. Hopefully, this will help keep things in balance while remaining honest.

What do you think? Is blogging about your marriage the last uncharted territory in Mommy Blogging? Am I making a mistake by discussing it? I'd love to hear your opinions.

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Digital Femme     |2008-08-21 15:47:18 A standing ovation to you, Cecily. I have been divorced for over 17 years but if I were married, I would probably blog about my struggles. For me, blogging has always been a part of healing. Not just my healing but others' as well. Let's call is collective healing. We women feel comfortable in sharing our thoughts and feelings and in a way, we empower one another like this. Now that the internet has provided us a platform for such tremendous opportunities for sharing, why would we not want to use it? You have certainly brought up key issues as to why one would NOT want to blog about the challenges in their marriages. I guess it opens up a whole new realm, doesn't it. The more we become transparent through blogging and on the internet then the more we place ourselves at risks for certain 'attacks'? It's always been FEAR that keeps us from growing and learning. It's always FEAR that limits our capacity for LOVE and Understanding. Maybe, if a large group of us removed the FEAR and simply allowed ourselves to just be, through our blogs - then as a collective, a movement of empowered sharing will start, like a wave. It's incredibly freeing to be able to express. That is what makes us innately authentic. When we share worries, pains, sorrows and happiness, we promote an opportunity for others to see not just us, but a reflection of themselves. This is so healing. I am glad you brought up this topic. I think that blogging about marriage or any relationship where one needs support is a beautiful act. It brings about *connection*, *humaness* and most of all *love*. We should all start to be more FREE in our blogging. JUST DO IT!

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