Maybe it's because we're the ones who physically carry the baby inside our bodies for 9 months. Maybe it's because we're the ones (much of the time) who nourish them with the milk we produce. Maybe it's just because we're the Mommies, darn it. But whatever the reason, there's a definite pressure that we feel as mothers to have all the answers when it comes to our children.
It's exhausting to be right all the time, isn't it?
As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my son, I developed an overwhelming urge to know everything there was to know about the right way to take care of him. I studied and read and researched with the same voracity that nearly gave me an ulcer in college. Then, once he was born, I developed a new goal-- I needed to be the one to do all the important tasks. I would feed and bathe and change and read and play because, well, I was the mom after all. We're not supposed to say it out loud... but somewhere way down inside is the desire to be everything to our children.
In hindsight, I think a lot of what was driving this intense focus was my guilt about going back to work. As my maternity leave wound down and I started back at work full-time, the need to do everything grew. It was only after I had been back at work for several weeks that it hit me-- like so many other things that drive our less-than-flattering emotions, it was all about fear.
Fear and guilt are all too common in the lives of working moms. We fear that our children won't know us the way we want them to. We fear that they'll love their care providers more than us. We fear that we're making the wrong decisions when it comes to our children. We fear that any misstep will land us across the stage from our child on the Jerry Springer Show in 20 years.
I've come to learn that trying to do everything baby-related myself does not make me a better mother, and it certainly doesn't make me a better wife. It does, however, make me stressed out, resentful, and exhausted. My son loves the time he gets to spend with his dad, and my husband is a pretty darn fantastic father. On top of all that, the times that I relax and ket my husband take over are not only wonderful for both of them... it's pretty darn important for me too.
It's been said before, but certainly bears repeating: taking care of yourself really will make you a better mother. If you don't replenish yourself, you'll have nothing left to give. The little things do count-- sit on the patio with a book and a glass of wine for 20 minutes, get a pedicure, even just take a walk by yourself once in awhile. Mothering is a lesson in humility. Only when we admit we can't do it all can we ever really have it all.
I absolutely love your post on Let Go, Let Dad Do It. The fear thing is so true for most of us.
I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to talk about this. I don't think enough of us admit that it is fear that drives so much of our lives. As for me I know I have struggled with it all my life and when I became a parent it just got worse.
I am happy to announce however, age does help this a little bit as I have come to realize I don't have time to live my life in fear anymore. There's too much I want to do and too little time left to do it and if I let it, fear will stop me from doing many of those things.
Mom Types 
