If anyone saw the movie "Juno," you watched Jennifer Garner's character ache for a baby, as her husband slowly realized that it wasn't in his future plans. It made me think about how many couples this happens to as I watched this movie recently.

I used to work with a girl who got married for a second time to a man with three grown children from two previous marriages. When they got married, they both agreed that they did not want children; she never wanted any and he was done raising children. As the years passed, and she got closer to 40, her clock got louder and she changed her mind. Unfortunately, he did not and they later divorced. Eight years later, she never remarried and never had a child.

Now, let’s look at the other side: wanting children before marriage and then changing your mind and deciding you don’t. Have you broken your promise to your partner? Is adopting a good substitution for your own child and a way to appease your partner? I know a couple going through this right now. The wife thinks pregnancy is “barbaric” while the husband wants a baby. They recently adopted internationally and now the husband is doing all the work but at least he has a baby. Is everyone happy? I’m not too sure.

It raises the question, “do you compromise for the happiness of your partner?” Some people may say yes, while others will disagree, knowing that if you compromise your own happiness, it will only breed resentment later on. If you appease your partner now, you could end up walking away later, which is what happened in my case.

I married a man who, if he had it his way, we would have had kids right away. We had some issues getting pregnant but were successful and our wonderful son made his debut 1 day shy of our 2 ½ year anniversary. Shortly after, my husband checked out of our marriage; first emotionally, then physically when he left right before our son’s second birthday. The day-to-day parenting was too much for him and it almost seemed like he only went along with having a baby to please me.

I can’t say I would have done anything differently because I am thankful for the little miracle that is our son.

I guess there is no way for someone to know how life can change or if the person you have fallen in love with will change their mind. One can say the key is to both be passionate about what you want out of life but as you can see that can change too. I’ve lived through the pain myself and have seen others go through it and only wish people going through the same situation the very best. You are not alone.

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