The most challenging issue that faces parents is finding balance between being overly strict and the opposite end of the spectrum … being overly lenient. I often equate this as a “fine line we walk” quite similar to tight-rope walking! Leaning too much in either direction can knock us off that small rope!
When our children were growing up, we faced the reality that they were not perfect. We placed our order with God for perfect children who gave us no headaches; blessedly, he gave us children who pushed the limit, as they are supposed to do in order to learn and grow! When they would misbehave, we incorporated the usual parenting techniques of “time out” or no dessert after dinner. The tried and true methods that are common sensical and really do work.
As they got older (and wiser, or so they thought!), their misbehavior required greater call to action. Like the time my son decided to go joy riding with his buddies which required him to sneak out of the house at 2 a.m.Off they went, all seven of them, leaving noise in their wake. They had a “blast” setting off firecrackers and then fleeing the scene! The fun ended when the police caught up to them!
What was quite interesting was when my husband showed up at the police station and there were six other fathers present. Not one mother came. Why? Because all of the men agreed that it was best that the mothers didn’t show up. The wrath would have been more severe! The men, on the other hand, could entirely relate to what their sons had done. They thought back to the days of their youth and the similar pranks that they pulled!
There had to be consequences for these boys. They were grounded, of course, and cars were taken away from the drivers. Our son was still only 15, so that wasn’t a punishment we could enforce at the time.
During the teen years, grounding and forbidding things like cell phones were effective means of punishment.Cutting them off from all communication with their peers was torture!
Now, we are parents to adult children who still live at home while attending college. The fine line has become all but non-existent. Long gone are the days of “time out” chairs and making them go to bed without dessert! And how do you ground a young man who is almost 21?
For all intents and purposes, our job is done. If we haven’t instilled in them the virtues that will follow them from this point forward, we can’t start trying now. We can only sit back and watch and pray. Pray that they listened to the wisdom. Their choices are their choices now, not ours. We can no longer control their every action.
What we can do is demand respect. We can expect them to do what it takes to live under the same roof harmoniously. The parameters have been set forth. They are expected to comply. After all, isn’t that the ultimate goal of the many years of tightrope walking? We raise our children to be respectful and productive members of society. When they reach a certain age, our hope is that they have paid attention!
Good luck in all of your parenting journeys! It’s the hardest job we will ever love. And it is the only job that doesn’t include a manual. Thank God for friends and forums … they are the best sounding boards around!
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