"Me do it!" say young children to parents. From age 18 months and up children want to do many things for themselves. Between the ages of 18 months to 3 ½ years, children go through an important stage of development called "Autonomy" which means that children want to be more in charge of themselves.

Autonomy is a good thing and is the beginning of children growing up to be independent adults.

But for many parents, autonomy is scary. Parents are afraid of giving over any decisions or power to their children. Some parents are afraid of the mistakes their child will make. Other parents are afraid of losing control of their child's decisions.

The Three Essentials of Autonomy

Between the ages of 18 month to 3 ½ years, it's important for children to learn to be in charge of three important life tasks:

1. Eating

Food issues are often a battleground between parents and children during the stage of autonomy. Ideally, what happens during this stage is that children learn to eat until they are satisfied and learn to sense when their body is full. Awareness of hunger and feeling satisfied are essential life tools for healthy eating habits for the rest of a child's life. Well meaning parents sometimes push food onto children and create power struggles around mealtime.

Eating Tips

• Serve healthy choices and allow children to choose which foods they would like to eat. For each meal, serve at least two things you know your child will eat and plan the rest of the meal around your own family's needs.
• Some children need to visually see a food several times before they are willing to get close to it.
• Keep offering healthy choices and do not make food an issue by talking too much about what your child eats.
• Let a child feed themselves (instead of adults spooning food into a child's mouth).
• Do not use food as a reward or bribe with your child.

2. Toileting

Children need to have ownership over their toileting habits. Many parents want children to "go potty" on the parent's time and not have accidents during the learning process. Mistakes are actually essential to toilet training. How parents handle potty accidents can encourage or discourage a child's healthy attitude about toileting. When parents shame children for toilet accidents, children often make unhealthy decisions about toileting that can lead to a variety of problems for both children and parents.

Toileting Tips

• Accept accidents as part of the process of a child learning to use the toilet.
• Stay calm when your child has toilet accidents.
• In a matter of fact, calm way get your child involved in clean up of the accident. Children can carry wet clothes to the laundry room or place them in the sink for soaking. Children can also learn to wipe up the floor and/or use a wet washcloth to clean up their bodies after an accident.
• Do not use rewards or bribery for toilet training. Let your child have ownership of the accomplishment and feel a sense of pride in learning a new task. Offering a bribe or reward sends the message that the child is learning to use the toilet for someone else. Autonomy is about being in charge of yourself. If a child learns to use the toilet for someone else, they won't really feel in charge of their own self.

3. Sleep

Although parents often wish they could decide exactly when their child will go to sleep, parents can't truly "make" a child go to sleep. To help children develop good sleep habits, provide your child with a reasonably consistent bedtime or naptime routine. Make sleep time a safe atmosphere. Sleep patterns change drastically for children from 18 months to 3 ½ years. Although the sleep patterns will change, find a comforting routine that helps your child relax and fall asleep.

Sleep Tips

• Develop a short predictable routine for nap time and bedtime. Example: Snack, Brush Teeth, Pajamas, Two Books, Quiet/Sleep Time
• Create a visual picture routine chart for the bedtime routine using pictures out of magazines, clip art, photographs or simple drawings. Let your child hold the chart and tell what's next. When your child is off task for the routine, ask, "What's next on your routine chart?"
• Do not offer rewards or bribery to children for sleep issues.

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