Parents teach their kids “please” and “thank you”, but how does this really matter in the long run? Find out how teaching good manners gives a lifelong benefit for your child.
You’ve seen this situation before – you are somewhere public with lots of kids, like a swimming pool or park. There is one kid who just doesn’t seem to get it. She’s in the other kids’ faces, she comes up to adults she doesn’t know to ask odd questions, and just takes things she wants. The reactions of others are obvious, leaning away, frowns or looks of uncertainty, and sometimes comments from others to or about the kid in question. As you watch this, you probably feel a combination of irritation and pity for this girl. And you see no doting parent anywhere nearby, trying to guide their kid through the social jungle. Clearly, not much is going on in the manners department for them.
You might leave this scene remembering more of your irritation, but imagine what the future holds for this child. For a child who has a slippery grasp on manners and polite public behavior, they are constantly getting messages of rejection or reprimand. Over time, you can imagine that they may take much of this as personal rejection of their worth as a human being. Most likely, someone with this type of life outlook will likely have a struggle on their hands for many years.
Parents want the best for their kids, and they don’t generally set their kids up for failure on purpose. However, it is certainly possible that parents can unknowingly encourage bad manners. This can happen from the daily behaviors of the parents in the home, they way the parents interact with other people outside the home, and the way they use discipline.
Manners really matter more than just at the dinner table. It is a way that kids can show that they are following what their parents tell them to do (“mom always reminds us to say please”). But more than that, polite respectful behavior is about making others comfortable in our presence. It helps people, children and adults alike, to put forth positive energy around them wherever they go. Manners are like the oil that lubricates the interactions people have every day. The impression children leave will plant a seed in every person they come in contact with. And if their manners poor, this will become part of their social reputation.
When children don’t really grasp the bigger purpose behind manners as they grow up, they are more likely to have odd or awkward social skills. An example could be someone who is really pushy and doesn’t pick up on social cues from others, social cues that would tell them their behaviors are not being received well. Another example could be someone who comes in and out of conversations in abrupt sorts of ways. They may completely skip the common niceties of conversation such as “how are you”, “take care”, “good to meet you”, and so on.
These diplomatic words may seem shallow and meaningless on the surface – would you really tell everyone exactly how you are at some moments?? Probably not, except for a few people close to you. But you are pulling yourself together for a few moments to make the other person comfortable. This generally unnoticed skill is actually very important in being able to cope and keep a positive outlook every day. It isn’t going to erase your worries about your parents’ declining health or a friend who is ill. But we can learn how thinking of others can actually make us feel good.
So in considering your own child, don’t worry if their manners still need work. All kids are rough around the edges, and people generally understand that. Do be concerned if you see patterns of difficult interactions with others, concerns from a teacher, upset faces from others when your kid comes nearby. It is possible that you may be contributing to the problem in some way. It is also possible your child has some sort of social learning disorder that needs professional support. Thankfully, kids are flexible creatures. With guidance and good examples, kids can be taught good manners. You can help your kid be someone that everyone is happy to be around.
I think all parents/grandparents should teach their child(ren) to say "please" and "thank you" and to make sure they do it themselves. Our grandson is 5 years old and he was taught to say those two words.
I think you hit the nail on the head - the parents and grandparents need to be sure they do it themselves. Good example is the key, especially when you start them out young that way!
Kelby
-
Good Manners by Example
|
75.143.204.xxx
|
2008-01-21 15:17:00
You are absolutely right about setting an example. I think that is the key. I actually like being an example because it reminds me to be polite. It sounds silly, but it can be easy to forget even your basic please, thank you, excuse me and sorry statements. We can teach kids, and also make them feel good about it by empowering them to remind US when we aren't polite.
Mom Topics 
