My three-year-old is generally a happy go lucky girl. As the little sister, she's learned to shrug off most annoyances and setbacks. However, there is one thing that is guaranteed to set her off: shopping. More specifically, having to sit in a shopping cart while we go shopping.

It's a rule: she has to sit in a shopping cart for her own safety and for my sanity. But she hates it. Absolutely hates it! The second she lays eyes on the shopping carts, it begins: the crying, the shouting, the tears. Sometimes, she gets over it pretty quickly, and we can shop in peace. Other times, she screeches the whole time, attracting disapproving glares (mostly at me) from annoyed shoppers who, apparently, have never had the pleasure of parenting young children.

Tantrums happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes your child is hungry or tired. It's easy to handle these by making sure your child is well-rested and having snacks on hand. Sometimes, they are overstimulated by their surroundings. This is very common among toddlers. And sometimes (as with my preschooler) they are in an important developmental stage that makes them, shall we say, difficult to deal with.

Preschoolers are in a weird phase of their life. It's full of discovery, excitement, and growth. During this time, they are learning that, to a certain extent, they have control over their environment. This is one of those cases of “a little bit of knowledge being a bad thing.” Because they have control over some things, such as being able to draw a circle or recognize the letter “B,” they assume they control everything.

This is why your angelic preschooler morphs into a miniature dictator. They know what they want and expect the world to conform. When it doesn't, watch out: temper tantrum ahead. So, now you know why it happens, and you know it has nothing to do with your parenting skills.

How you handle the tantrums, however, is very important. Public tantrums can be especially tricky. At home, you have the option of distracting your child with a favorite toy or storybook, or sending them to their room for some cooling off. When you're out and about, what can you do? Here are some ideas:

• Distract them. Point out interesting things around them, such as an interesting store display, a cute dog, or a pretty flower. Sometimes, this is all it takes.
• Engage them. Simple games like “I Spy” and “Simon Says” work anywhere, and kids love them. Try reciting your ABCs together, or say a favorite rhyme. Sing a favorite song. Sure, you might get a few looks from strangers, but, hey, you were getting them anyway, right?
• Comfort them. Tell them that you understand that they're upset. Give them a hug and a kiss. But remain firm. They need to understand that rules are rules, and that they apply even to tiny dictators.
• Ignore them. This is the hardest one of all, but if all else fails, you'll just have to resign yourself to ignoring the tantrum. Your child is looking for a reaction from you, and, eventually they'll realize that the reaction you're giving isn't the one they want.

Dealing with tantrums can be draining, but the one thing you must do is keep your cool. It doesn't help the situation at all for you to blow your top. A tantrum is the manifestation of your child feeling out of control. At those times, more than ever, they need to see that you are in control. Happily, most kids outgrow tantrums before long. I'm looking forward to the day when I can go grocery shopping in peace. Until then, I'll appreciate my little dictator for what she is: a growing girl who is learning more about her world every day, and who looks to her mommy to set an example for how she should behave when life gets frustrating.

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