There is often a lot of debate over spanking- To Spank or Not to Spank? Is Spanking Abuse? However, it is not a simply question. The purpose of discipline is to teach. When I hear the circumstances that parents spank their kids under, I often wonder if they really want to teach them, what I believe they are teaching- on other occasions, I know a child would pick a spanking...
Discipline means to teach. It always strikes me as ironic when I hear about a child who gets spanked for hitting another child, or for getting in a fight. I will bully you more than you can bully others. So much for "you can't solve violence with violence." While that old adage may not be true- Actions do speak louder than words. I am pretty sure- and along with words, a parent is very powerful.
I would say if you want to teach your child to stop hitting their sibling, then having them do their siblings chores, writing apologies works. Taking away the extras (screen time, TV, video game) sends the message that if you cannot cooperate like a family, then you don't get the extra benefits of making independent choices until you are ready to come back and work as a family.
But back to spanking.
Consider a child who has had a traumatic history- a foster kid or kid who has been through abuse, or who has had a violent car accident- using fear of being hurt to motivate that child will cause fear or anger. It is actually illegal to use corporal punishment on foster kids in many if not all states for this reason.
Consider though an older toddler or preschooler who has slipped out of your hand- it can occasionally happen and is running into traffic, or a child who- despite warning is running after a ball, or your child who has to learn the hard way reaching up to touch your stove -while looking you in the eye.
I guess you could let natural consequences take effect and let them get hit by the bus, burn their hand because you have already given them time outs for safety isses and taken away toys. And you have aready reasonably explained to your 3 year old you don't want them to get hurt, but when you gave them that talk you mde them cry.
I don't know, I guess for some kids, who learn in some ways, in situations that involve safety- I guess one quick smack on the bottom that startles them - along with a loud "no" - to me is like one trial learning. I would rather pay for therapy later than have my kid run out in the street. The message being- when I say no, I mean it, and when I say a safety issue, I mean it is one when you don't obey you could get hurt.
Not all kids require this intervention. And when if it is done, it should be over- followed with, I love you and hugs.
Save the "this hurts me more than it hurts you.: Kids don't get it.
Save the "I use a paddle/spoon because it makes it seem less like I am hitting my kid." Even my dog is smarter than that. Besides, using anything other than your hand can be considered child abuse in California.
Should you decide to spank, use other methods first, it only teaches what not to do, not what to do instead, so you still have half the work ahead of you. Use it for speciifed circumstances, like saftety issues, and only for kids - like age 3-7 unless you have discussed it with someone. And, if it does not work- i.e. you are still seeing repeats of the same behavior you spanked for-then your experiment has failed...move on to a new technique.
Parents who do not spank- don't judge. Many kids you talk to would rather be spanked than write an apology to their sibling or do their sibs chores, or get yelled at or be given the silent treatment. Discipline is done for the children- to teach them out of love- not for their happiness.
If you do not spank- think about what you do use, and whether it works. Parenting takes the patience of a saint, and until you have been in someone elses shoes you cannot know. I work with kids and once had a developmentally delayed boy jump on my back and bite my shoulder- only I did not see him, nor know he was developmentally delayed, and my anger response was swift and immediate.
I had to walk quickly out of the room to calm down, and it was a 6 year old boy, and he was a student! I had a new appreciation for his mom, who had always seemed a little short on patience.
I have grown step kids- among the other kids around, and they will all tell you about the one or two incidents where they got spanked. Their eyes get big for a second, will say it stung, will absolutely say they deserved it and did not repeat the behavior.
I think it depends on the situation, the child's personality, and the parent- how often, how hard, and the intent behind it.
We have a difference of opinion, and I am trying to understand your feelings.
The paragraph you wrote stating:"I guess you could let natural consequences take effect and let them get hit by the bus, burn their hand because you have already given them time outs for safety isses and taken away toys. And you have aready reasonably explained to your 3 year old you don't want them to get hurt, but when you gave them that talk you made them cry." troubles me a bit because I don't spank and I wouldn't let my daughter simply let the bus hit her if she attempted to run out onto the street after telling her "no" 15 billion times.
I understand that not every child is the same, and not every parent is the same, but I don't know if I would assume that if nothing worked to discipline, the 'non-spankers' would just let our children go through those natural consequences.
The other commentary that seemed like a jagged pill to swallow: you would rather pay for your child's therapy in lieu of him or her getting hit by a bus?? That, to me, seems like a very rough viewpoint when we talk about discipline. HIt by a bus...therapy to mend emotional scars...to me, either choice would be horrible for my child to experience if it can be avoided.
I think that if the SuperNanny handled all her shows with that notion, she'd be fired and the show would never finish it's 1st season, let alone have any others. I want to understand your thoughts better, but those comments make it hard for someone who has so far managed some very trying times without letting her daughter's hand get burnt by the gas flame, or allowed injury because I ran out of things to do in lieu of a spank.
I don't want to seem confrontational, I just want to show you my feelings and I hope to understand yours better.
Don't get me started on SuperNanny, she should be fired... calling a child naughty- naughty chair- is terrible. And berating parents the way she does. Children make good and bad choices. I much prefer Time out chair or Thinking Spot.
I was writing that that tongue in cheek, actually. Because I am not a spanker. I was saying spanking should be used a s a last resort, and there are worse things than spanking. Beating and spanking are not the same. Humiliating, yelling, name calling are worse. Also cajoling, pleading and bribing are worse, because they send a message to the child that you are ineffective.
What I would do is place myself between the child and the danger, place my hands on their shoulders at eye level, and firmly say, "Running in he street is dangerous, and you are not allowed to do it." I would then show them, they are not allowed, by time out, removing them from outside play that they are not safe to play outside until they make better choices listening.
I would, however, rather see a parent spank a child one time on the bottom for running in the street than see a parent let a child play in the street, plead for them to get out of the street, have the child stand on the curb, go in the street again, have parent bribe child out of the street with a cookie, have child have tantrum in the street, have parent scream at child and then promise child ice cream when they get home if they will get in the car. Which I have seen.
I have a friend who is a police officer who had kids. If she sees a gang member out with her kids she might want them to get in the car NOW. Not after negotiation and tantrum. Kids who do not listen and parents who do not make them may not be safe in an emergency. parents should ensure that their kids listen- by talking, by picking them up, by reasoning, by treating them with respect, and by listening to their kids. However, in my opinion, spanking one time with the hand on the bottom is not the same as beating and is not the worst thing a parent can do to a kid.
I believe that discipline plays an important role in childs behavior as he/she grows. Using techniques one at a time will help parents to ease tensions and anger or even hurting your child.
Patience..patience...a parent must keep in mind. Just never stop reminding and talking to your child if it takes a thousand times. They will carry it on as they grow old.
Mom Topics 
I don't want to seem confrontational, I just want to show you my feelings and I hope to understand yours better.
