Sibling rivalry seems to happen in most families.  However, sometimes this can actually be bullying.  This kind of aggression should never be tolerated.  Check here to find out just how big of a problem bullying can be. 

You’ve seen your kids fight with each other.  Most of the time, your youngest child fights back when their older sibling picks on them.   They usually find a good way to resolve conflict between them.  But lately, your youngest seems to have some strange behavior.  They complain of stomachaches when the oldest one comes home from school.  They cling to you more than ever.  They desperately want to go to bed with you at night.  What in the world could be going on?

Arguing and fighting is common with siblings.  Going through these struggles is part of the process of learning how to get along with others.  However, some families have something much different going on inside their walls.  It may look something like sibling rivalry on the surface, but it is actually bullying.  Bullying is a deliberate act of aggression done to a weaker person.  There is a difference of power between the bully and the targeted child, the bully intends to harm the targeted child, and the bully threatens aggression in the future. 

Bullying is a problem in every part of society.  Most people imagine bullying as happening only at school.  In fact, it can happen at home, in day care centers, even at work between adults.  Experts believe that 85% of bullying between children goes on without adults being aware of it.  Many adults think they are doing what’s necessary about bullying when a child reports a problem.  However, not many children who are bullied actually say something directly to an adult.  Most children who are bullied see adults as doing not nearly enough about the problem in general.

Some people don’t really believe there is much of a bullying problem in their community or school.  They make excuses when they see “red flags” or warning signs of bullying.  Others want to help but don’t know what to do or what to look for.  People who are well intentioned but poorly informed may actually do things to make bullying worse.  There are also more “socially acceptable” forms of bullying in our society today.  These include racism, hazing, and social cliques. 

Because of the secrecy and fear involved with bullying, many myths have developed.  One example is the “kids being kids” myth.  Many people believe that getting bullied is some kind of childhood “right of passage.” A parent who had to tough out some bullying from their childhood could easily dismiss warning signals of bullying between their children at home.  They may minimize the problem, saying to the targeted child, “Toughen up, she’s just teasing you.”  Or they may reward the bullying child with affection or attention for being tough and strong.  This can set the stage for bullying between siblings.  Rather than being taught to show respect and work as a team, siblings are set against each other.  One is weak, the other is strong, and being strong is what wins the love and attention from parents. 

Even a family situation that is not so extreme could invite a bullying problem.  A more permissive parent could allow bullying to develop without realizing it.  When left to their own devices, children can be fairly selfish.  They may not think much of how someone else feels unless they are reminded of it frequently.  Without a strong presence to guide them back towards empathy, some kids may adopt a “do what it takes” attitude to make sure they stay on top. 

All of the issues discussed above make bullying a very difficult problem to deal with effectively.  If you are starting to feel overwhelmed and confused, this is normal.  You are beginning to understand how enormous and complicated this issue is.  Some questions may come to mind.  What if this is happening in my home?  What’s going on my kids’ school?  How do I know what to look for?  What do I do about it?  These issues and many others about bullying will be covered in articles throughout the year.  This is just a small introduction to a vast problem. 

So what about the strange behavior of your youngest child mentioned at the beginning of the article?  You just witnessed three warning signs of a kid being bullied.  Keep checking back here to learn more about it.    

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