Sometimes people seem compelled to ask you questions and make observations about things that are really none of their business. Breastfeeding is one of those things. Here are a few tips for dealing with unwanted input.
Here’s a little head’s up for you: from the moment you
become pregnant until your “child” retires, people are going to offer their
advice. You can’t necessarily control what they say, but you can control how
you react and what you say.
Here are a few scenarios for you to think about and decide
how you might respond.
Breastfeeding is gross.
So is changing diapers, yet people do it all the time, and don’t even
get me started about sex.
The reason human women have breasts is to feed their
young.
Hello? Did you not realize that humans are mammals?
Seems to me that you
have some issues you need to work out.
Feeding my baby with whatever it is that
they put in formula is gross to me.
There goes your figure!
Guess what? Studies have proven that nursing does not contribute to
breast sagging.
And why is my figure of interest to you?
Um, I doubt that my figure will be the same as it was before I became pregnant.
Didn’t you know that nursing takes off the baby weight a
whole lot faster than bottle-feeding?
And I should care about that because … ?
Guess you didn’t know that breastfeeding will reduce my risk of contracting
breast and ovarian cancer and may help protect me from osteoporosis.
Why would you want to nurse when you can just get formula?
Gee, I don’t know. It must have something to do it with being free,
always the right temperature, portable, what nature intended, and the best way
I can nourish my baby.
Have you checked out the price of formula lately?
Did
you know that babies are never allergic to their mothers’ breast milk but often
are terribly allergic to formula? Note: It's been pointed out that babies CAN have allergic reactions to their mother's milk. I should have been a bit more thorough in checking out that point. Thank you, Heavenlymayday, for letting me know!--LAH
Breast milk is absolutely safe; the same
can’t necessarily be said for formula.
How long are you going to do that? Shouldn’t you be feeding your baby
solid food now?
I plan to follow medical recommendations: The American Academy of
Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and
continued breastfeeding through the end of the first year. Note: Another oops here ... Summerm has pointed out that what the AAP has to say is this: "Exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months and
support for breastfeeding for the first year and beyond as long as
mutually desired by mother and child." Thanks for setting me straight, Summerm!
Oh, until he goes
off to college.
And you need to know that … why?
Don’t you want your husband to be able to bond with the baby?
You’re right, holding the baby, talking to the baby,
changing the baby, bathing the baby, and spending time just being with the baby
sure won’t be enough for him to bond with the baby.
You want to get up in the middle of the night to nurse?
Sweetheart, all I need to do is sit up, take the baby out of her
bassinette, and nurse her.
You’re right: I sure don’t want to get up; that’s
why my husband gets up and brings the baby to me.
I’d rather nurse in my sleep
than schlep to the kitchen and try to mix, heat up, and feed my baby formula in
my sleep … because I sure do love sleeping.
There goes your sex life.
My husband would be really shocked to hear that … especially after we …
well, I’d better not say any more.
I really don’t see how my sex life can
possibly be any business of yours.
I’m touched that you’d be concerned about my
sexual fulfillment.
Are you speaking from experience?
What does your husband think of you doing that?
He’s the one who suggested it.
He thinks that, since it’s my body, it’s
my decision.
He loves the idea of not having a sickly baby … you know, like
some formula-fed babies are.
He’s delighted … with the
enhancement of my assets.
You don’t nurse your baby in public, do you?
I’m nursing him right now. (There were many times when I was nursing
while holding my son in a sling, and my own husband had no idea I was nursing.)
Sure I do … I just whip out a breast and …
Oh, heaven forbid! It’s so much
better for me to feed my baby in a filthy, disgusting public lavatory at the
mall than to sit on a bench there and discreetly nurse.
You do know that nursing in
public doesn’t mean exposing myself in public ... don't you?
I hope these responses will help you if you ever find
yourself on the receiving end of a pointed question about nursing. Just keep in
mind that the way you choose to nourish your child really isn’t up for
discussion … unless you choose it to be.
Laurel Haring is a writer and editor. She and her family
live in Wilmington, Delaware. Laurel loves responding with, "Why do you
need to know?" when someone asks her a rude or nosy question.
"Exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months and support for breastfeeding for the first year and beyond as long as mutually desired by mother and child."
I need a snappy come back for my MIL who's after me to wean my 11 month old 'cause I'm going back to work in 3 weeks - why do people think nursing is an all or nothing thing? I'm quite happy to do it part-time when I return to work.
Well, I would just tell her that every drop of breastmilk you give your child is a drop he or she wouldn't get otherwise.
I had a ton of trouble with exclusive breastfeeding my first after she was in the NICU. I was just ridden with guilt about it. Then the pediatrician pointed out that it's not like giving SOME breastmilk is bad. Give all that you can.
Anyway, it probably doesn't matter anyway since it sounds like she won't get it. I would just ask her, "Why should I stop?" Or, I really like a general "Why do you need to know?" reply! Hahah!
Or: "Our pediatrician says that continuing to provide breast milk is the best thing I can do to keep the baby healthy ... which is going to be pretty important once I'm back at work."
Or: "Working and breastfeeding aren't mutually exclusive."
Or: "Don't worry. I plan to wean before the baby starts high school." (said with a smile, of course)
Hey, there's no reason you can't continue nursing your baby after you've returned to work. If you want to continue, then do, either by pumping during the day or by continuing to nurse during your "off" hours.
It could be that she thinks she's being helpful. (I'm not sure how, but I'm trying to put a positive spin on what is really none of her business.) If she didn't nurse her kids, then it may seem alien to her to do it at all, let alone past the first few months.
You could always start printing or clipping "helpful" articles about breastfeedign for her to read.
BTW, good for you for sticking to your guns. This'll be just one of many mom-knows-best battles (and I mean you, not your MIL).
From a breastfeeding mom (18 months before we weaned) I just want to point out that a very mall minority of infants actually can be allergic to mothers milk, or something in it if they are allergic to something she regularly eats (cows milk is one of the most common culprits)
A friend of mine recently discovered that her milk was responsible for her 2 month old son's rashes, colic and constant nursing. She put him on hypoallergenic soy formula and it's like night and day- no more rash, no more colic, and more time between feedings (He would literally want to start nursing less than 30 min after he finished sometimes for days at a time) She was saddened because she really wanted to nurse this one, but relieved when the formula alleviated the problems he had been having.
Not trying to be rude or devils advocate, just thought it merited mentioning. I was just proud of her for even trying, there are so many that don't.
More on topic- I always ignored anyone that gave me a hard time. Most of the time no one even knew I was nursing him...
I do remember one time a mom sat down and started bottle feeding her lil one next to me. She glanced over and said "Ewww! You're nursing in public, I could NEVER do that!" Like it was gross or something. My reply? "Ewww, you're feeding your baby chemicals and corn syrup? I could never do that!"
Normally I'm live and let live, I know at least 3 people who honestly wanted to breastfeed and couldn't for whatever reason (one of them even had breastfed an earlier child successfully) but her whole attitude of "That's gross" really got on my nerves!
Wow, I am SO sorry to hear about your friend's experience. That's a very good point what's in the milk may cause problems, even some that are serious enough to preclude breastfeeding. I know how sad it is to want something so badly; my husband and I went through the infertility mill for a couple years, and it about broke my heart. My hat's off to your friend for doing what was right for her and her baby -- I'm so glad that they were able to discover what was going on.
Re: your other remarks ... Yeah, I really wish people could learn that their opinions on what we're doing aren't welcome unless we ask for them. But I just can't see myself asking someone, "Gee, do you think I'm doing the right thing, breastfeeding my baby?" Sheesh. It's no one's business but my own. (And by the way, one of my sisters-in-law actually said to me that nursing was "gross." How sad. But I kept my mouth shut and kept the peace. You do what you gotta do, you know?)
Thanks again for pointing out the obvious: allergies/reactions come in all shapes and sizes and from all kinds of sources. I appreciate that you took the time to let me know!
I understand completely. Although with me it was when he was 18 months old- I was planning on weaning around 24 months, but at around 18 months I got tired of hearing "You're STILL nursing him?" from everyone. It really bugged a lot of people that he could actually ask me "nur?" If I had it to do over again I would have gone the 24 months.
Back when my oldest son was turning 1, I was told by his pediatrician that I was doing more harm than good by continuing to nurse - he was old enough for cow's milk and I needed to stop nursing or risk rotting his teeth. Like the young, clueless, 20 year old mom I was (pre-internet), I forced him to wean. It was HORRIBLE for both of us!!! I vowed to never again do that to a child. So, even though I went back to work full-time after the birth of my second son, I still nursed him until he was almost 3 years old! My third son just turned 2 last week and I'm still nursing him round the clock on demand (of course he eats everything we do, too, so nursing is just comfort, love and a quick drink lol). I have NO intentions of weaning any time soon. I won't even consider it for another year at least!
Lucky me, I have a different doctor and a different mother-in-law this time around - and I have not had a single soul verbally pass judgement on my extended breastfeeding. If someone wanted to comment, they'd get a whole lot of pent up pro-nursing commentary from me b/c I am still so angry at that doctor (and my ex-MIL) for pressuring me (and scaring me) into forcing my oldest to wean.
Lord help the well intentioned busy body who dares to tell me my child is too old to be nursing, that nursing him in public is anything less than acceptable or any of the other ridiculous stuff people say about it!
While I'd probably shy away from reacting sarcastically to rude comments, I like the fact that women are taking a stand for breastfeeding.
I breast fed both of my sons, without regard to where I was or who was around. My now 6 yr old dropped breastfeeding on his own a little after he turned one. My second son had such a voracious appetite that he just was never satisfied and about 2 months in to it, my husband couldn't take it anymore and began feeding him cereal. The boy never drank from a bottle once, he wouldn't accept it. All he wanted was food. So, I pumped my breastmilk and mixed the cereal up with it. LOL Now, he's 4 and I swear he eats like a grown man, you know the type.. bottomless pit who never gains a pound. I think he's going to be a giant. LOL
I was always very shy and somewhere down the road became tired of being on the receiving end of opinions and advice given by people who cared more about their own feelings than about mine. Truly, I'm not rude or nasty; however, I no longer have a problem standing up for myself, should the need arise. Maybe that comes with being a parent?
Your younger son sounds like mine. That boy can eat ... we refer to him as "our carnivore."
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