All children, biological or adobted, need to feel that they belong to and are loved by both father and mother, deeply and forever, if they are to grow up secure.

For an adopted child it is worse to sense a lack of love in one or both parents. She's not so secure to begin with, having been through one or more seperations. She knows that she was given up for some reason by her biological parents, and she may fear secretly that her adopted parents might someday give her up too.

You can see then why it's a mistake to adopt when only one parent wants to, or when both parents are thinking of it only for practical reasons, such as to have extra help or to have some one to take care of them in their old age.

Occasionally a woman who is afraid that she's losing her husband wants to adopt a child with futile hope that this will hold his love. Adoption for reasons like these is unfair to the child. It usually proves to be wrong from the parent's point of view too.

All too often the child who is not deeply loved becomes a behavior problem.

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