When I was pregnant, I thought all there was to preparing for motherhood was reading books on how to get through the pregnancy and then giving birth. It seems pretty funny now that I'm a mom of three and a half year old twins. Because, you see, preparing for motherhood involves much more than just the pregnancy and the birth. It involves preparing for life after the birth--after your baby is home.
There are three important aspects to preparing for life as a new mother: learning about baby care, preparing for changes in your relationship with your partner, and adapting to the changes in your personal life. I will cover each of these aspects over the course of three weeks with one article per week. This week's focus is on Baby Care.
Baby Care
It's important to learn as much as you can about taking care of newborns. If you're like most women, you'll only receive a modicum of information from the nurses at the hospital and, unless you have a nanny or doula after the birth to help you out or, ideally, your own mom or mom-in-law, once you bring your baby home you will feel quite lost. Therefore, it's not a bad idea to brush up on baby care while you're still pregnant and to take newborn classes if available. You'll be learning even more once your baby is home.
There are three key areas of baby care: breastfeeding, sleeping, and temperament.
Breastfeeding: This is one of the most common areas that new mothers have problems with. Some babies have difficulty latching on, some are allergic to something in their mother's breastmilk, some moms experience pain or discomfort while breastfeeding and can't continue, and others don't have enough milk to breastfeed. Some moms simply cannot, or choose not to, breastfeed. However, many new moms have a wonderful experience breastfeeding their babies and enjoy it tremendously. The important thing to remember is that every situation is different and you should not judge yourself for whatever happens or does not happen while you're trying to breastfeed your baby. If you are unable to breastfeed, this is not a reflection on you as a woman.
How long you breastfeed your baby is up to you. Some breastfeed for three months until they go back to work, others continue breastfeeding until their child is four years old (or even older). There is no right or wrong. It comes down to individual preferences and needs.
The first thing you should do after you give birth is advise your nurse that you would like help learning how to breastfeed your baby AND learning how to pump your milk. Many new mothers are not aware, either that they will need instruction on how to breastfeed or that the nurses are there to assist them and provide a lactation consultant when necessary. Midwives and doulas are also able to assist with breastfeeding training. If you are having problems breastfeeding after you are home from the hospital, contact your doctor, hire a lactation consultant or doula, or contact La Leche League (a nonprofit organization that offers new moms help with breastfeeding). Or, maybe your own mother or mother-in-law, or even your friend, may be able to help you. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help.
The most important thing to remember if you are having problems with breastfeeding is not to blame yourself for whatever happens. I was not able to breastfeed my babies. As a result, I suffered with feelings of guilt and failure as a mother for two years. I didn't know any better because I didn't have anyone to advise or help me. Don't put undue pressure on yourself. If you try and it doesn't work, give yourself a break. Similarly, if you decide NOT to breastfeed, this is your decision. Your baby will not suffer as a result. It's the maternal care and nurturing that you have your baby that is most important.
Sleeping: The "sleep issue" is another common issue for new (as well as experienced) mothers. One of the most common questions a new moms asks is: "When will she sleep through the night?" This is because mom (and dad) don't sleep until baby sleeps. So, moms have a vested interest in this issue. Some babies sleep through the night from Day One, while others wait until they're six, eight, or nine months old and even older. It depends on your baby. There are plenty of books on how to teach your baby to sleep through the night. But don't rush the process. First of all, a baby cannot be expected to sleep through the night until he no longer needs middle-of-the-night feedings. This usually happens at around four to six months. Again, it depends on your baby. Secondly, all babies are different. What works for some may not work for others.
The most important thing you can do to help your baby to sleep through the night once they no longer need the midnight feedings is to provide the right environment for sleep. Many babies need a certain routine, a specific environment, and an exact sleep schedule to sleep through the night (or through naps). Read the many books that are available on this topic and adapt the ideas to your baby's needs and temperament. Also, remember this is not a black and white issue. In fact, it is very gray. Your baby may sleep through the night for months and then suddenly stop for a while. Don't give up. Go back to the tried and true method, find out what happened that caused the problem (growth spurts, disruption in the daily rhythm, teething, etc.), or try new techniques. Eventually, things should get back to normal.
Sleeping through the night is a relative term. Most newborns (0-3 months) will not sleep 8 hours straight because they can't go that long without eating. Your idea of sleeping through the night may be 8 hours because that's what you're used to. But you'll find that 5 to 6 hours for a newborn or infant is the definition of sleeping through the night. Believe me, after getting up for your newborn every 2-3 hours in the beginning, you'll find 5 to 6 hours of sleep refreshing!
Temperament: One of the most confusing aspects of child care for new mothers is why their babies don't sleep/eat/lift their heads/cry like their friends' babies, e.g. "Why does my baby fuss so much and yours doesn't?" Babies have different temperaments. Don't expect your baby to be like other babies. You will only cause yourself and your baby more stress as you try to fit the mold. There is no mold, and there is no formula for taking care of babies. There is only your mothering style and your baby's unique needs. The sooner you realize this, the less stress you will experience by judging whether you are a "good" mother or your baby is a "good" baby.
New mothers have a natural tendency in our culture to compare their babies to other babies. This is a mistake because babies all have their own unique problems and situations to deal with. Some babies cry more while others are more calm, some babies don't like to be held very often while others like to be snuggled closely, some babies are more alert and active while others seem to be less aware of their surroundings. Knowing about the different temperaments will help you understand your baby better and meet her needs better.
In addition to these three common issues, medical complications can sometimes arise, as well. For example, some babies get acid reflux, a condition in which the milk they drink comes back up their esophagus, causing irritation and pain. A common symptom is that the baby throws up frequently after eating and fusses when laid on his back after a meal or at nighttime. This condition is due to an immature stomach sphincter that doesn't close appropriately and usually fixes itself after about three months. But some babies have this problem for a year, while some have it throughout their childhood. But not all newborns get this condition, so unless you're inclined, it isn't necessary to read up on this topic unless necessary.
Colic is another condition that some babies get and others don't. The symptoms are bouts of inconsolable crying that start at about six weeks of age and occur every day for at least 3 weeks in a row. The crying usually begins in the evening and lasts for 3 or more hours. There are a variety of reasons for why babies experience colic and techniques to help ease their discomfort. But unless your baby gets colic, you probably shouldn't spend your time reading about it.
There is a lot to learn about baby care. And there are many books you can read on the topic. Following are just a few:
You certainly won't remember everything you read in these books, but they will at least give you a general idea of what to expect once your baby comes home from the hospital, and you will be more prepared than many mothers are. Still, expect to be surprised by your baby. There is simply no way to be 100% prepared for the complexities of newborns and the uniqueness of your own baby. That is the joy and wonder of motherhood.
Cheryl Wenzel is an Independent Writer and freelancer who also writes at:
Mom Stages 
Thanks for the info I'll add it.
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