Filling the Void When a Family Matriarch Passes

I always knew that my mother-in-law's passing would be unthinkably sad and difficult.  She was, after all, the matriarch of of family.  She was not only a Mom, but a Nana.  She was the kind of Nana that kids dream about.  She was a Nana who knew everything about cooking, baking, sewing, mending, creating. 

She knew everything about babies and kids.  She knew how to laugh.  She knew how to tell jokes.  She knew how to listen.  She knew how to wear fabulous jewelry.  She knew just what gifts to buy.  She knew how to lift your spirits.  But most of all, she knew how to love. 

It is the loving that we will all so desperately miss. My mother-in-law, Florence Couto, died two weeks ago today at the age of 89 1/2.  Her passing has created such an empiness, such an aching, such a loss that it is difficult to put words to it.  But today, my 3-year old grandson, William, gave me the words.  He said to me, "Grandma, are you taking Nana-Flo's place?"  

I was, at first, astounded by his question.  I asked him, "What do you mean, honey" "Nana-Flo made cookies and spaghetti.  And she gave me dollars.  And she liked to hug me," he said. 

I realized at that moment that this is his way of missing his great-Nana Flo.  And his way of filling this great big void.  Me. I realized at that moment that my mother-in-law had touched him so deeply and so profoudly in his life, that he was looking for and longing for some continuity.  He had seen his mommy cry.  He had seen me cry. 

He had seen the grief, even though we had all tried to be so strong. And this moment gave me the strength to embrace everything I had ever learned from my beloved mother-in-law, and carry it forward. I held William's hands and knelt down to him.  I gave him a great big hug.  And I told him that I would certainly be making lots of cookies and lots of spaghetti.  Just like his Nana-Flo.  I told him that she had lots and lots of recipes that he and I could whip up together. 

I didn't even have to tell him that my husband and I had found, in her apartment, a booklet of handwritten recipes... her most special recipes... that I would from now on be whipping up for birthdays and holidays and family celebrations.  Yes, my mother-in-law was a wonderful whirlwind of a woman.  She was bigger than life.  And I do have some big shoes to fill.  But fill them I will.  And I'm starting right now. 

I just put on two strands of her most fabulous costume jewelry, a couple of strands of the most shiny and shimmery black beads imaginable.  I will go on.  We all will.  And I know she was listening to her little great-grandson today, and she will hold my hand and guide me with the same love from heaven that she gave to all of us here on earth.  Because that's what grandmothers do.