Don't give children a choice when disciplining

I know that this may cause some uproar among parents of small children, but this topic is one that I think must be addressed.

I will call it the "OK?" debate.  Note the question mark.  These two little letters followed by the question mark are infiltrating our homes, schools, playgrounds and activities.  I, personally, don't think it is so "OK."

I know that this may cause some uproar among parents of small children, but this topic is one that I think must be addressed.

I will call it the "OK?" debate.  Note the question mark.  These two little letters followed by the question mark are infiltrating our homes, schools, playgrounds and activities.  I, personally, don't think it is so "OK."

I will give you a couple of examples.  I was watching one of my grandsons play on his pre-school playground this afternoon.  The day was glorious with the warm fall sun and gentle wind.  Kids were jumping, sliding, swinging, climbing, laughing... all having a wonderful time.  Then I began to hear the dreaded "OK?" over and over again.  A parent looks directly at his or her child (yes, both moms and dads are guilty of this) and says, "Emma, we are going home in 5 minutes.  OK?"  Or, "Johnny, slide on your bum, not your stomach.  OK?"  And even worse, "Raymond, don't hit your brother again.  OK?"

"OK?"  Doesn't this little question indicate to the small child that he or she has an actual choice in the matter of the statement or directive?  In other words, Emma gets to decide whether she is going home in 5 minutes.  Right?  Johnny gets to slide on his stomach if he chooses to.  Yes?  And Raymond can hit his brother.  Correct?

I began to think, "Maybe I do this, too."  But soon after, I looked at my watch and realized that I had promised to have my little guy home before lunch.  I was happily surprised when I heard myself say, "Honey, we're leaving in 5 minutes."  I never even thought to add, "OK?"  It was my decision.  I am the adult.  I am in charge.  Then I began to think of how I handled my own 4 children, and I never remember giving them choices in matters that did not involve their input.  Further, I thought of my parents... and I almost laughed aloud at the thought of them asking me if their decisions or choices were "OK?"

As a grandparent, I am concerned for a generation of children who are given such leverage by their parents in following directions.  I spoke this afternoon to a good friend of mine who still teaches 3rd grade.  She also finds that kids question teachers far more than in years past.  She said that she would never think of saying, "Hannah, please sit down.  OK?"  Or, "Kevin, come in from recess.  OK?"  And even better, "Terry, go right now for a little chat with Principal Jones.  OK?"  

So.  I want all of you parents (and grandparents!) who are guilty of this little question to stop now.  Be in charge.  Show them who's boss.  

OK?    

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