Perfect Parenting and Negative Thinking

Before I had children, I had envisioned exactly what a great parent I would be. I knew that I wouldn't yell, no outrageous displays of emotion. I would be calm, focused, and perfect. Heck, I was trained in psychology, worked with tons of kids, and I knew exactly what I needed to do to inspire and nurture. I was wrong....dead wrong! As a parent, there is no perfect. Well, maybe intentions. I believe most parents have the best, most perfect of intentions, but perfect delivery...no, it's just not possible of humans.

I've realized over time that I could possibly fall into the trap of trying to be a perfect parent. For me, perfect parenting is when you attempt to be perfect in the way you deal with your child's behavior. You've read all of the parenting books and you "know" what the research shows or perhaps you want to emulate your own parents. You know what you should be doing when your child throws a toy, won't brush their teeth, or hits their brother.

However when it comes down to practice, parents have to make game time decisions and their emotions ARE involved. Parents are flawed humans. We get angry, sad, anxious, frightened, and we lose confidence. It happens. When you work at being a perfect parent, you're setting yourself and your child up for failure. There is no right answer...and there is definitely no occasion where there is only one right way to behave. Your behavior will never be perfect enough and, in turn, your child's behavior will never be perfect. The result is negative thinking.

Negative thinking comes when you see everything through perfect expectations. You will never live up to them and neither will your child. Your child will most likely hit at some point, maybe they will be shy and reserved when you want them to make friends, loud and obnoxious, when you want them polite and quite. They're kids and isn't being contrary part of what childhood is about?

As parents, we are in the perfect position to show our children that we are imperfect. We make mistakes and we have to accept the consequences. It doesn't mean crying, yelling, throwing things, or giving in to our faults. It means taking responsibility for our mistakes and letting our children know when we don't know the answers. It's okay to say "I was wrong" as long as you can turn your oops into a learning experience. Pat yourself on the back when you handle a situation well and, when you make a mistake, give yourself a break, shake it off, and begin again. Perhaps the best lesson you'll ever teach your child is how to forgive yourself and move on.

Photo of heart shaped leaf, copyright Andrejs Pidjass on stock.xchng

Christine Flynn is certified as a school psychologist and is currently working from home and taming her two monkeys.