Building a Behavior Plan at Home

Have you ever been at a loss on what to do with your child? They've been misbehaving, acting out, throwing tantrums, and totally unmanageable. It's hard because you just can't get a hold of what's making them act the way they do. You know your child the best, but you're also so close it's hard to see the big picture. That's where I think it helps to do a little behavior analysis at home. Let me make it clear that sometimes we need outside help. If the behavior is not developmentally appropriate, you have concerns about the child's or someone else's safety, or you're really unable to cope, you should find assistance from someone experienced with applied behavior analysis. Turn to your pediatrician, teacher, school psychologist, or school counselor for guidance.

Your child has begun to throw their toys just before bedtime, refuses to brush their teeth, or throws a tantrum every time you go grocery shopping. You know it has to stop, something must change, and you're wondering what to do. When I worked in schools, I would sit with the teacher and complete a functional behavior analysis.

As an impartial consultant, I would work to define the problem behavior, discover the antecedents and consequences, and create a behavior plan. Depending on how complicated the behavior is, the process can be very simple or very complex. I believe we, as parents, can use some of the same steps to develop our own parenting toolbox.

Take a moment, when your calm, with a pen and paper to describe the problem behavior. "John throws his toys when I tell him it's bedtime." "Danielle refuses to brush her teeth and cries for 30 minutes whenever I tell her it's time." Make sure you include where the behavior occurs, exactly what happens, and any specific piece you can remember. Next, roll back to before it happens. Who is with the child when the behavior happens and what is said before, are just some of the important pieces. Put down as much as you can. Now report with what you do when it happens. Is the child punished, yelled at, given a consequence, or ignored?

Once you have it down, look for a pattern. Does John only throw his toys on those days when there isn't time before lights out for a bedtime ritual? Did Danielle begin with the tantrums with the change of a toothbrush or toothpaste? It can often be some of the simplest changes that precede a behavior change or the development of a negative habit. Next, take a look at the consequences. If the behavior only occurs with one parent and not the other, is there a difference in the handling of the behavior.  Be prepared to look as objectively as possible at your behavior, too. You could quite possibly be a contributing factor.

Next up, you're going to figure out what you can do to change those antecedents, or preceding factors, and the consequences that follow. When creating a reward system, you want to come up with items that are important to the child. If the child is old enough, involve them in the process and you may just find a consequence you wouldn't have thought of while giving the child ownership of the program. When developing a consequence for the behavior, start with natural consequences, if possible. If the child doesn't do the behavior when they come home from school, they lose their 30 minutes of TV time later in the evening, to finish their work. You can find more information on positive reinforcement and time outs on Type A Mom.

Now it's time to implement. Make sure you and all of the adults in the child's life are on board. It should be clear and as easy as possible to put into place. Pick a date to re-evaluate the program. If it doesn't work, don't be discouraged. You're taking charge and doing something to teach your child what is expected from them. Remember there is support available. You can always ask a friend or relative to look at your plan with new, objective eyes. Behavior is fluid and is always changing. You'll always have another opportunity to make a difference. Forgive yourself for mistakes, and with the best of intentions, you'll find the right combination of changes to help shape your child's behavior.

Photo of notebook and pencil, copyright Sanja Gjenero on stock.xchng

Christine Flynn trained as a school psychologist and is currently working from home and taming her two monkeys.